Hatoholics Anonymous

I admit it. I am a hat slut. 

Those stupid little thin-cloth cycling hats with the obscure, foreign team names and funky colors with the silly, short plastic brim that flips up? I’m like a junkie stumbling around in a hat-addled daze, searching for the next hit of cotton goodness. Synthetic? Get that out of my face. Wool? Good for winter. But cotton… cotton is king. 

Film maker Spike Lee introducing the cycling hat to pop-culture

 

Yes, it seems stupid to collect such a harmless product. There are worse things to compulsively collect until you’re wake up one morning and you need to get ready for a ride in the rain and need a cap. Which one do you choose? 

Which hat defines me as a person? 

Should I show my support for the oft-misunderstood French team Cofidis? How about the American powerhouse, Garmin? The sludge-green Liquigas? The Russians over at Katusha, the team named after a mobile missile-launcher? 

Don’t want to wear a team hat? How about a Belgian national team hat? Italian? No… 

A bicycle manufacturer? A bike shop? 

Okay…. let’s delve into the vintage stuff… Molteni, Brooklyn, Ti Raleigh, 7 Eleven, Elf Renault, Campagnolo….. Too many to choose from and too many great riders who donned the same caps. 

How about a blank hat? How does that describe me? It says “I have no hats,” which, obviously, is a lie. 

It’s so bad that every area that I habituate is signified by masses of hats strewn about, begging to be used. I can pick them up and put them away all I want, but they always migrate outwards towards the heat (okay, that’s not true). What am I to do, throw them away? How about over my dead body! 

An average weeks-worth of hats drying in the Belgian sun

 

So what can an addict like me do about this? They’re functional, on the wrong end of the fashion spectrum and are able to describe a bit about me. I can’t throw them away, I can only wear them with pride, knowing that they’ve saved my skin in torrential downpours and bitter cold and they’ll do it again with that certain style that just makes you look like a dork when you’re not wearing cycling kit.

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~ by Mitcholo on August 28, 2010.